I think that most Christians would say it’s nice to have Christian friends. Most would acknowledge the value of a Christian spouse. It’s nice to have a Christian family with which to worship. But how important is all this, really? What does scripture have to say about the value of Christian relationships? How important is it for our kids to seek out these relationships (both in regards to friends and dating a future spouse)? Let’s dive in.
IT BEGINS WITH IDENTITY
This entire series focuses on the importance of cultivating a firm Christian identity for our children. I voice this identity with my child by saying, “Because I’m a child of God, I am loved, chosen, forgiven, and redeemed.” My child says this with me. We say it every night before bed. Then, in our daytime experiences, we talk about what this means. Ultimately, I want for my child’s relationships to support this identity. I want for his relationships to have a positive influence on this sense of self.
I acknowledge that as my child ages, he will have more and more control over the meaningful relationships in his life. He will choose his high school friends. Not me. I won’t choose the girls that draw his attention. I won’t choose his future spouse. While he’s young, I can help my child to understand who God has made him to be. I can lead him to understand that our life relationships can strengthen that Christian identity or weaken it. We must guard our hearts and choose wisely.
WHAT DOES THE BIBLE HAVE TO SAY ABOUT MARRIAGE?
In the Old Testament, God gives very specific instructions to the Israelites after they leave slavery in Egypt. As they enter the land God promised to give them, he tells them NOT to intermarry with the people who are already living there. This has nothing to do with the race of those people. It has everything to do with their gods. God warns the Israelites that they will be invited to “whore after their gods and sacrifice to their gods.” Exodus 34:15 He also reminds them of his first commandment that they “shall have no other gods.”
One can look at the life of King Solomon as an example of marriage to unbelievers. Solomon kept 300 wives and 700 concubines. They came from the nations the Lord had commanded his people not to intermarry. In 1 Kings 11:4, we read, “For when Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after other gods, and his heart was not wholly true to the Lord his God, as was the heart of David his father.
Later, in the New Testament, we read “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial (the devil)? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God.” 2 Corinthians 6: 14-16
On many occasions, the Lord warns against interfaith marriage. Why is this so important? God is not the glue that binds two people together. He is the metal that welds them together. A marriage built on anything other than a mutual love for God is shaky at best. At its worst, it’s destructive to one’s faith.
BUT MY CHILD ISN’T EVEN CLOSE TO MARRIAGE
Children learn about relationships from a very young age. They see the marriage of their parents and learn from it, the good and the bad. They see the relationships of other family members and of friends. My son was probably only three when I first spoke to him the importance of finding a Christian spouse. We talk about it often. I tell him that I’m praying for his future spouse. I’m praying that she be grounded in the Lord….that she love the Lord more than she loves him. If, in a relationship, one person loves their partner more than God, that person (or the relationship itself) becomes an idol. That isn’t what God intended. That isn’t healthy. Our children need to know the importance of faith in a relationship, but they also need to know there’s a proper order to love. God first. Then love for a spouse.
One day, our young children will grow old enough to date. They will want to spend time with someone of the opposite sex. I think it’s important for them to know that “dating” is a means to look for a spouse. “Dating” should matter. It should hold weight. Even in dating, there is value in looking for a Christian partner. It really should be the first quality that one seeks before looking at common interests or life goals. I’ve told my son to look for someone who values their Christian identity as much as he does. That’s the foundation of a lasting, Christian relationship.
THE VALUE OF CHRISTIAN FRIENDS
If our children are still young, dating and marriage may feel like a long way off. Children of all ages seek friends, though. What emphasis should be placed on Christian friendships? Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Our friendships have the power to sharpen who we are and who we’ll become. Whether a child or adult, Christian friendships are of great value. A Christian friendship should sharpen one’s Christian identity. We should help one another to live a life strong in the Lord. Christian friendships are invaluable, even from a young age….perhaps especially at a young age.
I want my son to be friendly with everyone, no matter their faith. If Christians only kept to other Christians, there would be no new Christians. We should be out in the world to share our faith with others. That said, I also want him to have Christian friends to lean on. I want his closest relationships to be with other believers. We live in an unbelieving world. Every day, the culture creeps into the lives of our children. I want my child to have a safe place…a safe person or people to which he can turn. Our children need sanctuary from this culture that labels their faith as “weird” or “misplaced.” Our children should find sanctuary and support and strength in Christian relationships with other believers.
WE ARE “WEIRD”
When I speak to my son about the importance of Christian relationships (both now and in a future spouse), I tell him that we are weird. Socially, we place importance on something that most people aren’t concerned with. It’s normal to see interfaith marriage in our culture today. It’s normal to see a Christian marry an agnostic or atheist. That’s culturally acceptable. When we take a stand and say that as a Christian, we are seeking other Christians, we will be labeled. “Weird” is a nicer word than what will actually be used. Nevertheless, it’s the one I reference. We are not like the culture. We live by God’s word, not the word of the world. Because we’re grounded in our Christian identity, we make choices that the world does not understand.
We’re weird.
And that’s okay, because we know that we are loved, chosen, forgiven, and redeemed.
No other labels matter.
OTHER POSTS IN THIS SERIES
Integrating the Faith at Home: Raising Children to Know Their Christian Identity
Second Week: Practical, Innovative Habits
Third Week: Unusual Compassion and Grace
Fourth Week: The Value of Christian Relationships
Fifth Week: Introducing Biblical Sexuality
Sixth Week : Faith-Filled Digital Citizens
Seventh Week: Managing God’s Wealth
Eighth Week: Professional and Personal Vocation
For another post that I’ve written on Christian Identity, see Christian Identity and Personal Wellness.
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