Do you know how to find a church home? As a pastor’s family, we don’t “church shop” as other families may do. My husband, a Lutheran pastor, is called to a church. That means a church finds him and decides, through reason and prayer, that he’s the right fit for their church and ministry needs. My husband can reject a call if he doesn’t feel led to a particular place, but he cannot seek out a church on his own. He cannot target a particular city or ministry or position and seek to gain a role there.
While my family does not “church shop,” I recognize that many other families are searching for a church home. In my local mom group, I see posts almost weekly that look something like this: “I used to go to church as a child, but I haven’t been in years. How do I find a church that suits my family’s needs?” I’d like to share my thoughts. If suddenly, my family were not a pastor’s family, these are the questions I would ask when considering how to find a church home.
1.) IS THE WORD OF GOD PRESENT?
No matter where you are, the answer to this question should be “Uh…yes!” Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. I once heard a funeral sermon (not one of my husband’s) that never once mentioned the work of God on our behalf. God came down to us. He built a bridge over our sin so that we might be in a relationship with him. Every single time you gather with a church in a service or bible study, you should hear God’s law and God’s gospel message. Church is not just a moral compass. It’s not a place for life-lesson lectures. If that’s all you’re getting, you’re missing the most important part.
God’s word is not just a moral compass. God’s salvation story is on every page of scripture.
LAW
God’s law says that all humans are sinners. God has holy and righteous standards, as outlined by the Ten Commandments. There is not one person on this earth who can keep these laws perfectly. All of us fall short. All of us should then face the consequence of our sin, which is separation from God. We are dead in our trespasses. All commandments circle back to the first. “You shall have no other gods before me.” When we harbor hatred in our heart, or whisper words of discontent or doubt, we have put our own selfish nature in the place of God. We break his commands by our thoughts, words, and deeds. We are dead in our sin.
This needs to be said more than once. Every week, you need to hear that you’re a sinner. Every week, you need to know that you’ve done wrong. The law is a curb, a guide, and a mirror. You need it before you continually.
GOSPEL
Every time we are in a church, we need to hear of sin’s consequences. And every time we are in a church, we need to hear of God’s salvation story. God sent his son to earth. God came down in human flesh to give us a path to salvation. Christ lived a perfect life where we cannot. Perfect and sinless, he hung on a cross and died. He became our sin so that we might become his righteousness. The Holy Spirit scoops us up from our state of death and breathes life and faith into our hearts. We are given a relationship with God, our father and creator. Then he sees, not our sin, but the holy and pure nature laid upon us by Christ. We are redeemed.
Every time you enter a church, you should be brought low with the law and then exalted with the hope of the gospel. This does not happen everywhere, but it should. This is the ideal you should seek out when searching for a church home.
The law and gospel should both be present at each gathering.
2.) IS THE CHURCH WARM AND WELCOMING?
This seems basic, but you should feel comfortable in the church that becomes your home. A church is a community. You should feel included. Church is not a place to sneak in the back door and sneak out before the last song ends. You are meant to be in fellowship with other believers. You should be welcomed. It should be obvious that your presence is desired. A church is not a country club. If you enter a church on Sunday morning and see closed circles where members only greet their own friends, you’ve stumbled into a problem. That is a warning sign. Things are perhaps not functioning as they should.
IS THERE NOTICEABLE TENSION OR DISCONTENT?
Every church has hard times at one point or another. Every church has that one member who sees negative things everywhere they look. The budget might project a shortfall. The fellowship hall may be in need of a remodel. The Sunday School program may be hurting for volunteers. But if you visit a church and see noticeable sides forming, be warned. If you visit a church and your first contact is with gossip or slander, be warned. While all churches are made up of sinful people, some churches maintain an unhealthy environment. I wouldn’t judge a church for acknowledging their faults. I wouldn’t judge a church for projecting a need for healing. Do be careful of the church that has battle lines drawn and no voice of intervention or reconciliation.
3.) IS THE CHURCH ACTIVE IN THE COMMUNITY OR DO THEY ONLY SERVE THOSE WITHIN THEIR OWN WALLS?
To me, this is a measure of a church’s health and well-being. A church that only looks inward, will die. A church that only looks inward, is not heeding the call of the gospel. We are to make disciples of all nations. We are to care for the poor, the widowed, and the orphaned. A healthy church has arms that reach out into the community. A healthy church has a heart for service. As a visitor, ask questions. Look for opportunities to volunteer and serve. Are they hard to find? Are they accessible to all? What can you bring to the table that would help a church serve the community well?
4.) DOES THE CHURCH PROVIDE AMPLE OPPORTUNITIES TO BE IN GOD’S WORD?
God’s people are only strong when they are in God’s word. Find out how many members attend bible study on a weekly basis. Is there a bible study opportunity for children and teens? What opportunities are there for you to be in the word with other believers? An active faith is not just about your presence on Sunday morning. A church community is meant to be more than a social club. A healthy congregation desires to be in God’s word daily. You should too.
5.) DOES THE CHURCH HAVE SPECIFIC MINISTRIES TO MEET THE SPIRITUAL NEEDS OF MY FAMILY?
I think that a majority of families choose their church by choosing a youth group. If you notice, this is not the first most important question on my list. A right distinction of law and gospel is much more important to me than an active youth group. A welcoming community who looks outside their own walls is more important than a young adult bible study.
Yes, it’s nice to have an active youth group. It’s a blessing to have a church full of young adults. We’d all love to worship at a church that has paid staff for every group activity under the sun. But paid staff does not guarantee a strong faith life among church goers. It does not guarantee biblical literacy among the members. If you find a church that meets all the needs above, but lacks a youth group for your child, then ask what you can do to start one. Volunteer your time. Serve the church to build God’s community. Where specific ministries are lacking, use your passion for that area to encourage growth. Teach Sunday School. Put in the time to nurture ministries that meet your family’s spiritual needs. Serve others, even as you need others to serve you.
6.) DOES THE WORSHIP STYLE SUIT MY PERSONAL PREFERENCES?
Again, this question is toward the bottom of my list. It’s not at the top. I have worship preferences. I like certain songs over others and prefer a certain style over others. However, if I were church shopping in my community, I would not forgo all of the things above just to have the exact songs I want to sing every Sunday. I find, that when you locate what you’re looking for by answering the above questions, the worship style might just fall into place with your personal preferences. And if it’s not a perfect fit, it may be close enough. I don’t see worship style as a hill to die on.
7.) AM I COMFORTABLE WITH THE WAY THE CHURCH USES FINANCIAL RESOURCES?
As a Christian member of a church community, we are called to give of our financial resources to support ministry. I’m an advocate of tithing a full 10% of your income to the church you’ve chosen to attend. That said, I want to know that the church uses funds responsibly. If I were to be concerned with the ethical use of funds, then that church is not the right place for me. I believe that you should have confidence in the church where your tithe is concerned. You should give happily and freely. You should give generously, with assurance that your gifts are serving the kingdom at large. If you are not comfortable with the way the church uses financial resources, analyze why that may be.
8.) AM I WILLING TO COMMIT MY FAMILY’S TIME IN SERVICE AT THIS CHURCH?
As Christians, we do not join a church only to receive and take. If you are visiting a church, you should be looking for ways to serve. Envision your life in that community. Where would you fit into service there? Are your skills valued and needed in that place? Talk to leadership about your desire to serve. How is your offer received? What can you do to improve the ministries you see at the church? Lift up your heart with an attitude of service. We’re all busy. We all have responsibilities outside the church walls. Make time for service. Make time for others.
The church is a community of believers who live in the word and serve together.
HOW TO FIND A CHURCH HOME AND WHY IT MATTERS
I hope these thoughts help you as you seek to find a church home. As Christians, we are meant to be in community with one another. We’re meant to have a steady home with other believers. Find your place. Stick it out when times are tough. Show grace to everyone there, as you too need the grace of others. Enter with a heart of service. Give faithfully and generously of your time and resources. Seek to improve the church you’ve chosen as home. Give, even as you receive. Hear the word of God spoken over you. Know that you are alive in Christ. You are forgiven and redeemed. You are in a relationship with God because of his salvation story. “Church shop” when you need to find a home, and then stay. Make that home a better place. Love that home and the believers who share it with you.
Your faith life grounds your sense of health and well-being. Your soul needs a place to call home. You need a house in which to grow and flourish. You need a community of believers to support your growth. Like a church looking for a pastor, use your reason and pray for God’s guidance. God will provide for your spiritual, social, and emotional needs.
If you’re looking for a Lutheran Church (LCMS), search here.
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